


1000

by b_l_u_e__n_i_g_h_t_s



Series: JongKey Oneshots [3]
Category: SHINee
Genre: Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Falling In Love, Happy, Healthy Relationships, Hurt/Comfort, Love Confessions, M/M, Skeleton Flower references, jongkey - Freeform, soft
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-09
Updated: 2020-07-09
Packaged: 2021-03-04 18:49:20
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,003
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25171168
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/b_l_u_e__n_i_g_h_t_s/pseuds/b_l_u_e__n_i_g_h_t_s
Summary: All the big changes in Kibum’s life happened when it was raining. The best things, the really fateful things, the ones he still remembers now, years later, those always happened when it was crazy warm, the air heavy enough to weigh down the world a little, and thick fat drops of summer rain started to fall. It is no surprise, then, that it was during a summer down-pour just like this, that he first met Kim Jonghyun.
Relationships: Kim Jonghyun/Kim Kibum | Key
Series: JongKey Oneshots [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1990972
Comments: 18
Kudos: 31





	1000

**Author's Note:**

> “Your luckiest day?”

All the big changes in Kibum’s life happened when it was raining. The best things, the really fateful things, the ones he still remembers now, years later, those always happened when it was crazy warm, the air heavy enough to weigh down the world a little, and thick fat drops of summer rain started to fall.

It is no surprise, then, that it was during a summer down-pour just like this, that he first met Kim Jonghyun. Though they were both still so young, the pressure of constant evaluations and crazy competition was already visible on their tired faces when they thought no one was looking. The rain was beating against the window in the rec room where Kibum was trying to eat an energy bar, drink water, sleep and massage the painful kinks out of his tired legs all at the same time because he only had an hour before he needed to get back down to the practice rooms. The lights were switched off suddenly, and the couch he was sitting on dipped.

“Hope you don’t mind, but the rain is more beautiful without the lights, isn’t it?” A very pretty boy said. His voice was soft and shy. Kibum hadn’t really paid any attention to the rain before. If he was being honest, he had kind of forgotten that the outside world existed at all. All he saw and breathed and lived was practice. But he lifted his head now, looked at the dark storm clouds outside of the windows. They looked like a painting in deep blues and pale greys, a few rays of gold peeking through them far in the distance. The rain was pouring down like crazy and Kibum had the sudden thought that it looked like the apocalypse was coming and here he was, facing it with a granola bar in his mouth and a massage roller in his hand, thinking about his dance routine.

“What would you do if the world ended today?” The boy with the soft voice asked, his words so close to Kibum’s thoughts that Kibum half believed he may have imagined the question.

“Practice, I guess,” Kibum said. He thought this was a rather boring answer. “What would you do?” He asked back.

“Hug my mom and my sister, then steal a car, drive to the coast, wade into the water and float in the sea under the stars and the clouds with music in my head.”

Kibum thought maybe he wanted to change his answer to ‘if the world ended today, I would ask you if I could kiss you, only once, just to see if your mouth is as soft as your voice.’

“Please put your seat in an upright position as we approach our destination.”

Kibum shakes his head to clear it of old memories and folds up the tray in front of his seat, then folds up the one in front of Jonghyun. Jonghyun is still sleeping deeply, the bruises beneath his eyes dark and violent, testament to sleepless nights and countless tears. He looks tiny in an oversized black sweatshirt, the color somehow too harsh, too cold against his pastel pink hair and pale skin.

There is a deep, painful pull in Kibum’s chest at the sight of Jonghyun sleep-soft and small in his seat, the fingers of his left hand resting on Kibum’s thigh. Kibum cannot fathom a time when Jonghyun was not in his life, even though he knows there must have been. He can still remember the first day he met Jonghyun so clearly, but even in those memories it always feels like he must have already known him. Of course, the trust between them built slowly, through many shared conversations, shared pain and joy, through a million moments in which they said “yes, that’s exactly what I mean”, “that is exactly how it feels”, “that is exactly what I was trying to say”, moments of feeling very much understood. Of course, that is how it happened. But still, it feels like he just always knew and trusted Jonghyun’s heart.

As the plane starts to descend and the air pressure changes, Jonghyun slowly stirs awake. He looks confused for a little while, blinking into the bright cabin lights. He stifles a yawn and turns his head to bury his face in the crook of Kibum’s neck. His breath is warm against Kibum’s skin.

It is a ritual, the trip to Jeju island. A ritual that means Jonghyun is mourning a relationship precious enough, deep enough that he needs to let the sea wash away the memories, scatter them across the island, dull their jagged edges, before he can return back to his life. He told Kibum about the beach on the island he visits to let go of things that are wrecking his heart years ago, during a late-night conversation while they were lying shoulder to shoulder on the floor of Kibum’s apartment.

“It’s a bit silly, I know,” Jonghyun said, “but it helps, it does.” And Kibum had wished there was a place he, too, could go to forget, a magic place in the world that would lighten his heart a little, make him forget his dreams of things he should not long for.

The ritual, it is a private thing, Jonghyun has always visited the island by himself. Kibum still doesn’t know why he asked him to come along this time. It feels like an invitation into a part of him that Jonghyun hasn’t shared with Kibum before. He tires not to be happy. Because Jonghyun is aching, he is mourning a relationship that was important to him. But no matter what he tells himself, Kibum is elated in a secret, black part of his soul. It’s where the jagged knifes of jealousy and possessiveness live, he thinks.

Jonghyun yawns into Kibum’s shoulder, still on the fine line between sleep and waking. “Wait ‘til you see the house I rented for us,” he mumbles under his breath, his words more touch than sound.

The house is a beautiful villa nestled against the ocean, surrounded by lush green. Jonghyun doesn’t tell him how much it cost to rent it and Kibum doesn’t ask. It has been a long time since they have enjoyed this much privacy and peace. The house and the gardens feel spacious and free, everything smells of the salt of the ocean, of quiet summer nights and old memories. Kibum feels at home the moment he hears the sound of waves breaking on an unfamiliar shore. It is strange, how easily his heart settles in this place, how comfortable he feels even though this island should be foreign to him. Maybe it is Jonghyun’s memories, the ones he released here over the years, fragments gentled down by the waves and scattered across the island. Maybe the memories have become so much a part of this place that it feels like an extension of Jonghyun.

They settle into an easy routine: Having breakfast on the porch outside the house in the morning sun, fresh fruit and coffee. Lazy days spent with feet buried in the sand, skin prickly with ocean salt, Jonghyun playing the grand piano in the beautiful living room, singing softly, writing, writing. Kibum scattering his paints all over the living room floor, painting, messing with ideas for designs that might become casual fashion, might become something for the stage. Picking up supplies at the local market, Kibum reminding Jonghyun, lost in his music and his head, that he has a body that needs sustenance. Kibum cooking for them while Jonghyun watches, pretending to help. Dinners eaten under the dark-blue sky just before sunset, their feet dangling off the porch, their shoulders touching. They go for walks around the island, their faces hidden behind hats and masks, basking in the comfortable silence between them, interspersed with quiet conversations. Jonghyun sits by the sea after sunset, small and alone under the stars, his eyes on the waves, and Kibum thinks this is where he lets go of the memories he came here to release.

They have just had dinner on their fifth day on the island, are sitting comfortably leaning against each other on the porch in the blue light of coming dusk. The air is heavy and humid, smells of stormy clouds and rain.

In the moments before the inevitable rain, Kibum finally has the courage to ask: “Why did you ask me to come? This is a place with no real memories of its own, isn’t it? A place you only come to leave memories made elsewhere.” The sky is starting to darken, clouds moving in from the sea.

“That’s true,” Jonghyun says, his voice quiet.

“Then why vacation here? Why ask me to come?”

“I’m not sure,” Jonghyun admits. “It felt strange, coming here without you. As if I was missing something integral.”

“Are you still sad?” Kibum asks, even though he is not sure he wants to hear the answer.

“Yes,” Jonghyun shifts against him, rests his head on Kibum’s shoulder. “I liked her a lot. And I really wish I could have loved her the way I wanted to. It took me forever to figure it out,” Kibum can feel him shrug, “to understand that most of me already belongs to someone else entirely. So how could I have loved her the way she deserves?”

Kibum doesn’t ask: “Who do you belong to?”, doesn’t say: “I know exactly how you feel.” He is quiet instead, watches the grey waves rolling in faster and faster, bringing with them shards of memories, their edges washed dull by sand and sea.

When the summer rain finally breaks overhead and the first fat drops hit the earth, Kibum closes his eyes and listens to the sound of rain on the sea, on the grass, on the leaves all around them. They are sheltered, only the tips of their dangling feet getting wet.

But when the quiet rain has turned into an outpour that drowns out all other noise, Jonghyun suddenly springs up, pulls Kibum with him onto the lawn, bare feet sinking into the wet grass. Jonghyun tilts his head back, lets the rain hit his face, and bursts out in happy, happy laughter. Kibum complains at first, but he cannot resist the temptation of happy Jonghyun, the exciting energy of the summer storm. They dance in the rain, silly and loud and crazy and happy. Kibum feels free, free, so free, freer than he has in a very long time. He watches Jonghyun spread his arms wide, turn, turn to the rhythm of the rain falling ever faster. Jonghyun’s pale pink hair is plastered to his forehead, rivulets of water running down his skin and Kibum thinks that Jonghyun is very, very beautiful. Jonghyun’s eyes are crinkled shut in laugher and he opens his mouth crazy wide to sing and laugh.

Jonghyun must feel Kibum watching him, because he turns to look at Kibum, eyes still tilted upward in happiness. And what Kibum sees in them is this: A depth of feeling, unsure parts of him masked by cockiness and perfectionism, a quick wit and quick temper, a deep-rooted belief in freedom and an open way of connecting with others and the world that leaves Jonghyun vulnerable in ways that scare Kibum but that remains intact despite all the hurt and the experience in the harsh reality of their lives. That in itself, Kibum thinks, speaks of a strength that people tend overlook. Kibum sees, too, his best friend, who gets lost in his head sometimes, forgetting that he has a body that needs to eat and sleep and skin that needs to be touched by sunlight and love. All these things that make up Jonghyun, all the truest parts of him, they are what made Kibum fall in love with him so long ago.

Kibum runs his hands through his hair, suddenly self-conscious. “I need to get out of the rain,” he shouts against the thunder and the thrumming rain, “I look like a stray cat, I need to sort out my hair.” He knows he is being a coward, that he is fleeing, but he cannot face the things he feels like this, not now, not all alone with Jonghyun looking at him like this. He is so scared that he will do something he will regret, something that will alter what they are, that will make Jonghyun stop touching him, talking to him, trusting him.

But Jonghyun catches Kibum’s hand as he turns to head back inside, pulls him in, his skin slippery wet and cool. He makes Kibum face him, touches their foreheads together and shakes his head. “So beautiful,” he whispers into the small, warm space created between them. Kibum blushes like crazy, everything suddenly so close and so intimate that his heart drops in fear. He needs to run away, to close his eyes, to hide. But there is something fragile and unbearably vulnerable in Jonghyun’s gaze and Kibum finds that he cannot move.

Jonghyun reaches out his hand and places his fingers against Kibum’s jaw. They are trembling. Kibum sighs into the touch, watches as Jonghyun leans forward, forward. Jonghyun kisses Kibum, tentative, careful, his entire body shaking. Kibum’s eyes flutter shut as they kiss again, soft, soft. This is all Kibum has tried so hard to convince himself kissing someone could never feel like. It feels as inevitable as his next breath, this kiss borne of memories and being far away from the real world, of the magic of summer rains and the deep truth that this is what they were becoming all along.

“Is this okay?” Jonghyun whispers. Kibum says yes with words and touch both and Jonghyun kisses him deeper, wetter, hotter, with purpose, pulling their bodies closer, wet skin on wet skin until Kibum feels like he might be drowning.

Kibum crushes their mouths together again, their bodies, bites Jonghyun’s lip, scratches his nails over his scalp, pulls his wet, pink hair until Jonghyun is sobbing into their kisses, a quivering mess of want.

They stumble into the house, scattering wet clothes everywhere, kissing and touching and whispering secrets into each other’s skin. The sight of Jonghyun, spread out on the bed, his skin glistening wet, makes things in Kibum short-circuit for embarrassingly long moments. He touches his fingers to the soft skin just above Jonghyun’s belt and Jonghyun shivers, his eyes rolling back. “I don’t,” Jonghyun says, rushed, “I’ve never,” he takes a deep breath, swallows, his cheeks turning pink, “never with a-“ he turns his face into the pillow, embarrassed. It is so far from the sure way he touched Kibum seconds ago and it melts Kibum’s heart.

Kibum sits up, entwines his fingers with Jonghyun’s. “Do you want to stop? It’s okay if you don’t-“, he starts, but Jonghyun shakes his head, opens his eyes to meet his gaze.

“I’ve dreamed of this, you have no idea how much, you have no idea,” Jonghyun whispers. Kibum swallows hard, leans down and kisses Jonghyun’s lips, their fingers still entwined. He touches their noses together, kisses him again, again.

“Tell me,” Kibum says, “tell me what you dreamed of, what you imagined.”

Jonghyun sobs into their next kiss. He touches Kibum’s face, his neck, runs his hands down his body slowly. “I can’t believe I get to touch you like this,” he says, awe in his voice.

Between deep kisses that taste of salt and rain, Jonghyun whispers things against Kibum’s skin that make Kibum want, want so badly his blood is sparking electric with it. He nips Jonghyun’s neck, his shoulder, pulls at Jonghyun’s belt buckle.

They lose track of time between deep sighs and sobbing pleas, sprinkled with quiet laughter when they knock their heads together awkwardly or fumble with their hands, learning each other’s bodies.

Kibum fulfills all wishes confessed in the secret space between them, until they are both breathless and boneless. Jonghyun’s whispered words drive Kibum crazy slowly, make him lose all grip on reality, make him beg to be messed up, please, to be fucked up, beg for Jonghyun’s to melt into his skin, spread himself all over him.

The rain has finally quieted down to a soft trickle when Kibum passes out on Jonghyun’s chest, too tired to hold up his head any longer. He feels deliciously fucked out and spent, all pliant and completely messed up, Jonghyun’s scent in his every pore. Kibum runs his fingers through Jonghyun’s wet hair, nuzzles his face against Jonghyun’s neck and touches his lips to the rapid pulse racing beneath Jonghyun’s skin. Jonghyun sighs deeply and tightens his arms around Kibum.

“It’s lucky, you know? The rain,” Kibum says. He feels so safe.

Jonghyun shakes his head. “I think I may have used up my luck for this life.”

Kibum draws back, touches Jonghyun’s face. Jonghyun’s eyes are wide in the darkness, full of unsaid things. “Why would you say something like that?” Kibum asks.

Jonghyun shakes his head, cups Kibum’s face. “Surely I must have used up all of my luck the day I met you,” he says and touches their lips together in a kiss that sinks deep into Kibum’s heart.

There will be more summer rains and more changes. There will be some that crash into Kibum’s life like thunderstorms, some soft and trickling, but steady, there will be those that bring pain cutting deeper than he knew he was capable of feeling. And those that bring warmth and crazy, magical happiness. But wrapped in the sound of the downpour, the smell of fresh rain, of salt and the sea, of warm skin so familiar and yet all new, Kibum doesn’t think about the future. He lets himself be held, warm and happy, feeling like this is where all those past storms and the changes they brought ultimately had to lead.

“I love you,” he says against Jonghyun’s lips. “I love you, I love you, I love you.”

**Author's Note:**

> „The luckiest day of my life was the day I met Kibum.”


End file.
